I remember when I was getting close to graduating high school, so many people would tell me to enjoy it because I would miss it. Here I am, six years later, and I still don’t miss it.
This week is the first week back to school and I’m still just as glad this year as I was the year after I graduation that I don’t have to. Granted, I am taking college classes, but I don’t mind college at all and it’s so different. Growing up, I hated going back to school. I never minded the classes, work or the learning – I just hated school.
The only thing I loved about going back to school was back to school shopping. I have a weakness for office supplies so that was the only thing about it I looked forward to. I haven’t really had much of an excuse the past couple of years to buy a lot of those kinds of things. Even with college classes, I maybe needed a binder, folder, or a notebook and that was about it. Working in an office now, I’ve had a bit of an excuse to buy office supplies I wanted and that would be handy.
I completed my first week of work today and while I loved it, it’s definitely an overwhelming experience. My anxiety had been on overdrive because I’m someone who doesn’t handle change well. I have a super hard time just embracing it and adjusting to it. And I’m so afraid of screwing up or just not knowing what I’m supposed to do. It doesn’t matter that I just started – I still put so much pressure on myself.
I also have some hearing loss, so it can make it really hard communicating with people and that makes my anxiety worse.
Debby, the woman whose job I’m taking over and who is training me, is so awesome and helpful. But she’s been doing it for a while and she is really good at it and I know I’m not going to be as good at it as her. When I started on Tuesday, she was originally not going to be there so I was going to be on my own. That sent my anxiety through the roof. In new situations, I’m not good at winging it what-so-ever. Thankfully, she ended up coming in so I wasn’t on my own and she helped me to jump right into things.
I’ve never really been the ‘to-do’ list kind of person. Mostly because I just never feel like I have enough to do that I need a list to keep track. I always wish I did though because I just love having a lot to do. Recently, there has been things that have been drawing my attention that have needed to be done for quite some time.
Since I finished school in about mid-July, I’ve had a lot of time to myself, especially since I had a bit of time before I have school and work to worry about. I’ve decided since I have about a week and a half left to myself, might as well take advantage of it and be productive. Although all these things are just so time-consuming and when it comes to doing them, I just don’t want to. But I do have times where I’m really in the mood to do some “spring cleaning” and I like to take advantage of it while I can.
Having your heart broken is never fun or easy. Especially when you lose someone who you genuinely thought was the love of your life. I know I’ve been there and it was one of the hardest times of my life. But had I never been through that experience, I wouldn’t be where I am today. That experience helped me to grow so much stronger and learn so much about who I am and what I want.
While at the time I couldn’t see anything good about losing someone so important in my life, now I see it so much differently. Had I still been with this person, I wouldn’t be engaged to Robert and living the life I’m living now. Despite the fact that this person hurt me, I’m so thankful they let me go. I’m so glad that they didn’t let things go on and let me believe that they cared more than they actually did.
At the time, I didn’t care, however, and would have done anything I could to change their mind – give us one more chance. We tried the whole “staying friends” thing and I was willing to take what I could get. But every time I saw him, it just made things so much harder.
I think the biggest thing when it comes to the Christian faith is trust. It’s based simply on trusting in Jesus payment on the cross and God’s faithfulness to save you. You have to learn to completely trust in God for everything. And I can tell you from first hand experience that it isn’t easy. I think one of the main reasons is because we think we can do it all on our own and we don’t want to have to rely on others. We want to think we have it all figured out. We want what we want when we want it. However, God’s timing is always perfect. That’s something I’ve been realizing lately.
Since Rob and I got engaged back in January of 2014, we’ve been so antsy and impatient to finally get married. Although, things just haven’t worked out that way for us. There is just so much that we have to figure out and it just became so overwhelming and nothing was going the way we needed it to. I had to just keep reminding both him and myself that things would work out when they were meant to, but that didn’t mean it was any easier. I still continued to feel like things were just never going to work out and we were never going to get married.
But God is faithful.